My Story.

I WAS STRUGGLING…

Ten years ago, when I decided I wanted to start working out and eating healthy, I did it because I felt dissatisfied with myself. I looked at my body after seeing girls all over the internet with shredded abs and tiny legs and I thought to myself, "I'm not good enough".

A dissatisfaction settled in my heart. I wasn't toned enough. Fit enough. Good enough...

The gap between where I was and where I wanted to be felt far and wide. And that distance made me feel unhappy. In fact, the whole reason I started was because I wanted to enjoy my life more and I thought that by looking "better" it would help me to reach that happiness.

A perfect body promised me happiness & I believed her.

This is when I found myself more frustrated than ever before with my life. I felt like I could never "stay on track" or work out "enough". I always felt like I wasn't doing enough and led me to feel that I wasn't enough...and that I would never be enough. 

On my way to “happiness through healthiness”, I got lost. I got lost in trying to follow a perfect diet plan. I got lost in trying to make sure I never missed a day of exercise. Spiraling into binge eating and feeling trapped in my own body and mind…

I felt like I had made a mess of myself.

Here's the simplified storyline:

I saw other girls who seemed like they had it all with their "perfect body".

That made me feel like if I could just have what they have I would be happy.

So I tried. And tried. And tried. I chased happiness and I became miserable.

That’s when I became dissatisfied with not just my body, but with myself and my life.

In fact, I didn't buy jeans for three years because I hated my body so much.

That is an extremely vulnerable part of my story, and it makes me sad to even write that. But I'm sharing that with you because I want you to know that it wasn't just a little struggle for me. It became a mountain in my life I thought I could never climb.

I worked hard at following the "perfect diet" and worked out religiously so that I could finally reach my perfect body which would ultimately make me satisfied and then I would be happy.

Does this sound familiar? I know it might not be exactly like mine, but I know you have a story too. And I share this with you to let you know that you're not alone. And it's not our fault that we've fallen into this trap...

So what went wrong? What was I really wanting in a perfect body? What was the deeper desire?

In my search for satisfaction through perfecting my body, I realized I was missing out...

I realized that exercise was supposed to ADD to my life not suck the life out of life. I realized that eating healthy was something I GET to do not something I HAVE to do. 

I realized when I was chasing after my dream body I was missing out on something so much more important....my life.

That's when I knew this was not the life that God had intended for me. I was chasing after a "life" that wasn't a life at all...

The urgency hit me: I really want to get to the end of my time here and know that I lived well - inside and out. That I treated everything God gave me like a gift - not something to be worshipped but rather enjoyed. That I didn’t want to miss out on wearing my favorite dresses or worry about if they’d be serving cake because I was consumed with my looks. How shallow. Ouch. Ugh. I don’t want to be shallow and yet being faced with the mirror finally made me face my heart.

I don’t want to worship myself. My image.

A perfect body can't give me or you abundant life - so I don’t want us to live is if it will.

Because it won’t.

I wanted:

• less stress around food and meals.

• I wanted to not feel guilty if I didn't work out for the day.

• I wanted to know that I was taking care of my body in a way that was kind to my heart and honoring to my Maker, because before I felt ruled by the iron fist of "you're not good enough - try harder."

• I wanted to live a life that came from inner rest.

• I wanted to have steady energy throughout the day

• I workout in a way that I loved and made me feel good

  
  

  Would it ever be possible?

We were meant to live for so much more...

I woke up every day knowing what this day held - trying to keep my head above water. Live up to my own standards and track every bite of food and then get to the end of the day feeling like a failure no matter how hard I tried. 

I was in going around in circles, and it sucked.

 Then it hit me: I was not created to perfect my image. I was created in the image of God and that’s where I found inner rest. Not in the striving to perfect the outward, but the peace that came on the inside when I let that truth into my soul.

Trying to perfect my image was robbing me of true life. Jesus said, "The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly."

I don’t want to feel empty, I want a full, abundant life in Jesus that He promised (John 10:10).

I just decided I wasn’t going to let my life slip by me chasing after something that would never give me satisfaction, peace, or joy. I wasn’t going to live like this and I would find a way to not spend my life perfecting my body, so I could actually live.
 

And you know what? I ditched the lies that I had to try harder so I was "good enough".

I turned my eyes away from myself and onto my Maker.

And everything became more beautiful.

I felt lighter, more joyful, more capable to actually live healthy in a way that didn't suck the joy out of my life. I realized working out was supposed to work for me -  I wasn't supposed to live for it!
 

I was more at peace, I didn't have that sense that I was being "left behind" by not doing enough. I suddenly felt healthier. The feeling of "I'm not enough" slowly faded into the background of my life...you know kinda like when the credits start rolling at the end of the movie and everyone starts to leave.

I started enjoying the things I loved - baking, sunset runs, going to coffee with my friends and actually ordering my coffee WITH the yummy vanilla syrup (something I never thought I'd be able to do!)

I felt free. All because I stopped trying to perfect my life and I started to enjoy my life and laid down my desire for a perfect body for REAL LIVING. Why let one more day slip through my fingers…
 

You can do this too. You really can! And it doesn’t matter what your life looks like… I’ve seen this belief change all kinds of lives.
 

I want this for you too, my friend. If you are feeling like I have felt, you don’t have to live like this for one more day. You can go a different way. You don’t have to be at the mercy of struggling to survive anymore…you can thrive. You can love your life. You can break free from the struggle. God is within you. And He specializes in making all things new…including me and you.

I hope my words reached into your heart and reminded you that you’re not the only one who feels this way. I love you. I’m here for you. I’m cheering for you. I’m praying for you. And everything I do is to remind you of that.

 xx Cambria